A Very Manly Valentine's Day - Come for the Beer and the Bitches.

Guys can be lonely around the holiday of love, too, which is why I feel like my OkCupid profile stock has been through the roof as of lately.  My profile must have that something that reads, "Hey!  Message me, regardless of our uncommon interests, or general unlikeness," which means I am doing something right, because that follows pretty close to my real life romantic mishaps and encounters.  Here are some recent suitors, and some of my thoughts.  Typically I don't respond at all, to anyone, because no one is normal, and most of them obviously only clicked on my profile to look at my pictures (and my pictures are all lies), the grammar is horrendous, and I could not imagine a life texting with someone who does actively use capital letters, apostrophes, and punctuation, and they are "looking for" casual sex, or something equally as strange.  Look, I am not prowling the internet for casual sex - you take your disease ridden ass elsewhere!

 Oh Mike, what can I say... I accidentally clicked on your profile.  My bad. 

 Nope.

 I actually don't have anything bad to say about this guy.  The note was well written, and he was interesting in terms of his profile.  I can tell that he actually read and comprehended (I know I shouldn't be that impressed with this, but I am giving him credit).  I scanned his profile, and there is not much that we actually have in common, but maybe I will send him a Happy Valentine's Day, just as a Pittsburgh welcome.  Maybe it was the 3:45 sent time that deferred me... That has to be some kind of weird OkCupid booty call, right?  Maybe he thinks I'm a freak-a-leak.

 I thought answering these questions honestly would defer him from continued conversation.  I really wasn't into him, but I love answering questions about myself, so he hooked me.

1.  Not really a fan, but I like him more now than I did before he was a badass #belieber.

2. In the village of Slippery Rock, I did work on Jersey Shore marathons.  It was somewhat of an undergraduate social gathering... so yes.

3. LOL. No, no one is STALKING me... anymore.

4. And I listed my favorite movie as Midnight in Paris, because, why would I lie?

 This is where I decided it was time to cut homeboy loose.  Obviously he thinks I am some kind of scumbag.  Why would I be on here if I had a boyfriend?  And kids?  Are you kidding me?  He claimed he read my blog, which I now display proudly on my dating profile, so why would he think I was with children?  This blog is called beer-flavored nipples.  If it were a mom blog, I would have named it milk-flavored nipples... which isn't a bad idea for a blog, you know, if I ever am a mother.

 Terrel?  I am already disappointment in this interchange of thoughts.

Apparently this guy's type is his doppelganger.  Glasses for life!  Not to put myself down, because I have come to terms with being a badass chick, but if there is one thing I can admit, it is that I never have been, nor will I ever be, sexy.  Just not going to happen.  Cute face?  Sure.  Magazine smart?  That's me.  Sexy?  Not unless bat-shit crazy is now an acting substitute for sex appeal.

I get a lot "eye" messages, too.  There is ONE (1) profile picture that I use where you can distinctly see my eyes, and quite honestly, other than the fact you can see my eyes, I am looking a hot mess, unintentionally, but if we are being honest, it's just how I look.  Is my skin nice too?  Would you like to make a coat out of it, Buffalo Bill creepers?  I am not flattered by physical compliments.  Unless you are telling me I am beautiful, as contributed to my sense of humor, charm, kindness, and aforementioned, cute face, then don't bother.  You are only making me uncomfortable.

And just as a reference, here is the "pretty eye" candidate photo.  If I were to comment on this, or if I weren't me, and didn't understand the hardship of difficult eyebrows, my commentary would be, "You have really crazy eyebrows," or "Wow, your eyebrows are out of control!"  And in all actuality, I would be more likely to respond to that.  Shows a ballsy-ness I am into.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

And in case you didn't read it on my Facebook, here is an extended invitation to celebrate with me!

"If anyone is interested in joining me for Valentine's Day, I will be drinking wine in my bed from 5 PM - bedtime, and watching quality films. Space is limited. Other activities will vary based on participation, but one can expect crochet and Rubik's Cube materials will be available. Chocolate covered everything upon request."