Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Song "Birthday Sex" Always Made Me Terribly Uncomfortable, But Not "I Just Had Sex."

In honor of my very spinster 25th birthday, I would like you to "pour one out" at some point tonight, as a good-bye to my youth.

Being single forever is no longer a joke - it's a lifestyle!

But in all honesty, today has been pretty awesome; I've conned my co-workers and friends into showering me with gifts and food, wine and coffee.  Tonight I'll be returning to my roots in the good old Village of Slippery Rock for a birthday dinner, joined with the only gender who can stand me - women (in their defense, they, and their mothers, are the best women I know).

Cheers! Birthday Cheers, those are!

P.S. Don't even think about wishing me a Happy Birthday, because you are nowhere as important as this one I already received.  #Blessed #EHarmony #Holla.



Yours always,


HMU @Sexy25fromHogwarts

Friday, May 2, 2014

Help Me, I'm Poor. What Desperate Looks Like!

So because I HATE Match.com so much, I thought I would try EHarmony, as it actual takes into consideration what type of person you are, opposed to whether or not you think antique shopping is an adequate way to spend your time.  God I hate Match, I can't believe I paid for that garbage.  Anyway, I made a profile, used a kind of cute picture from a few years/pounds ago (whatever, I'm an internet troll, sue me), filled out their hot to cold questionnaire, and let my free profile go live.  Because I am not trying to pay for anything ever again (thanks cable, for eating all of my extra funds!), and my because of my hatred for Match, I decided that seeing the pictures of my potential suitors wasn't that important to me - it's like modern day online BLIND dating! 


 So out of nowhere, these seemingly nice, faceless man named Michael sends me a message, and through EHarmony's icebreakers, we got to know the bare minimum about each other.  For example, I know that he likes the Goonies, Sidney Crosby, and Las Vegas (the city, not the television show).  And of course, most importantly, he is at least 6'0"...dreamy!  Finally, we reached the part where he is allowed to send me a message, and he swept me off my feet with "Hi Katie, how are you today."  I wrote him a sexually casual Friday message back, just to let him know I'm DTF (definitely and totally fun), and EHarmony decided to COCKBLOCK me! 


After searching for EHarmony coupon/promo codes for so long, with no success, I give up, and gravel at the feet of EHarmony's Social Media person.  No response.  I even threw Match.com under the bus and NOTHING.  Only the dear, sweet baby child in the picture below my post really understands my frustration.  But not really, because I think he is excited for Penguins' hockey, and everyone in Pittsburgh adores him, so yeah, never mind, we have nothing in common. 

 
EHarmony, at this time, has chosen to not respond to my Twitter plea, so, if you need me, or want me ;), I will just be chilling here, all poor and whatever.  Seriously $60.00 for one month to maybe find a nice guy to talk to me?  Forget about it!  I am going to spend that at an office happy hour tonight, and hopefully end up at Bar 11, where I will let a stranger draw at cat mask on me with a highlighter!  Same investment, right?

 


 KatyeKat37 <- My current AIM screenname, if you want to chat during office hours.

P.S. if you find any current, and essentially free EHarmony promo codes, please send them to me; Michael might be an EHarmony employee, but he could also be my soul mate, without your help, or donation, we may never know.