Dick pics, and Sugar Daddies, and STD's OH MY! Craigslist: An Exposé.

I have not been feeling very motivated to write lately.  Actually, that may or may not be true.  I love writing this blog, whether anyone reads it or not.  Sometimes I think it is the only way I am really ever going to achieve self-actualization.  Anyway, it has been a long time.  My life has been relatively boring, and I am really on a sabbatical from looking for a man friend, or anything of the sort.  My OkCupid account was deactivated for sometime; a girl can only take so many losers as her "best matches" before it begins to take a toll on her mental health, after all, and Match, well, let's just say it is a huge toss up whether is was a bigger waste of $50.00 than my Weight Watchers online membership, or LA Fitness for that matter.

Back to the point.  Because of this writer's block, I began racking my brain for topics that could be fun, entertaining, racy, and of course, at the extent of someone else.  Then it hit me.  All this characteristics are an equation.  An equation with only one solution - CRAIGSLIST PERSONALS!  Who would I rather get verbally weird with than a complete stranger!?  No one, that's who.  The anonymous nature of the internet allows individuals to be exactly who they actually are.  It is a safe zone, and when responding to a complete stranger, without a profile detailing exactly who is who, it is a magical mystery ride of disease ridden love.

My posts were generic enough that I was able to be honest - like I referred to myself as a "BBW," just for giggles.  No pictures, because that's embarrassing.  Probably let it spill that I was drunk, and out and about.  Really just a line asking if anyone wanted to hang out.  Nothing overtly sexual, or in the pursuit of getting laid... but maybe I will have to post something like that next time... mental note.

The responses were outrageous, in every sense of the word.  Within an hour, I was bombarded with over 130 responses, and towards the end, it was closer to 350 (there were approximately 348 emails moved to my "personal" folder).  I was able to see the responders' names, in many cases, and that lead to Google and Facebook investigations.  Some of the results were astounding.  One guy, who has not mentioned in his response to my ad had HIV!  Honestly, that is very unfortunate, and I feel for him, but it was not even something that he mentioned in his message to me - it was found from a Google search, which is unacceptable.  A lot of men were married with children.  There were a number of sugar daddies, inquiring about my tastes, and if I were able to travel with them - uhhh, yeah right.  Many, in their responses, also sent me pictures, both of their head, and their, um, heads, if you know what I mean.  It was pretty offensive.

I am not here to judge any of these men... Were most of them creepy, disgusting, slovenly, misogynistic, etc.?  Yes, absolutely, but as I like to say, to each HIS own.  The real mystery of this all was, WHERE THE HELL ARE THESE MEN WHEN I AM OUT, because truth be told, no one is trying to get with me then.  I am sure anyone not responding to a Craigslist ad is immediately 100% more appealing than one who is trolling the casual encounters instead of hanging out with friends, family, pets ANYTHING.

So with these messages, I thought I would comply a little "fast fact" sheet for you - just in case any of you want to try it out!

It should also be noted that I requested that those responding not be: Rapists, Murders, the Craiglist killer,  creeper, or older than 32.

Popular phrases/questions:

"Why not?"
"Are you real?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"Send me a pic"
"420 friendly" - so many guys had "some good shit"
"You're not a hooker, are you?"
"Interested in a couple?"

Most popular look was:

Terrible facial hair, or God awful goatee, God awful tattoos, and God awful jorts.  And dear Lord, when they were wearing a shirt, or something more than a wife-beater, so many Yinzer inspired jerseys, and tees. Oh, or it was a tapout tee.  It was like Rivertowne in North Shore before a Pirates' game.  Pittsburgh dudes are a dime a dozen.

Photo Analysis

Note: I would like to thank www.kidszone.ed.gov for helping me to make this graph.

 

So you know, a total of 149 sender, included pictures.   Of those 149 pictures, 93 were dick pictures, which gives us our percentage of dick pics received of 62.42%.  Math is fun.

Alright, well I haven't really written a blog in like two months, so this was exhausted, and I can only go through the filth in my Personal folder so many times.  Maybe there will be a follow-up, maybe there won't.  Believe it or not, I am going to give Craigslist personals two thumbs DOWN.  The sad thing is, I am not convinced that it is much safer, or less sketchy than any other form of online dating.

Later hookers,

XOXO,

Bet you didn't know I could bake, too.  Wifey material, heyyyyyy!