Tits and Kits: A Love Story.

 

Is there anything more beautiful than a relationship between a woman and a cat?  The answer is no.  The love between the two is so pure, so unadulterated - no other man, woman, child, can compare.  Now of course, as it has been established, I am writing this as a single woman with no children SO my opinion may be slightly skewed.  What's odd about my skewed perception is the fact that I don't have a cat, either.  I just infinitely admire their lifestyles and loyalty.  Their passions are simple and beautiful, and I have said many times, and will say a million more before I die alone, I want to be a house cat in my next life.  My days will be spent lying in the sunlight reflected through the windows of my owners house.  I will single-handedly be responsible for making a lonely spinster's life better.  

Following suit of our earlier generations and the stereotype set forth by Homeward Bound, men don't seem to understand this love affair.  Is there anything more attractive than a man with a dog, who he loves more whole-heartly than he could ever love me?  No, but we are not talking about being attractive.  Men have made the relationship between cats and the woman who love them a social stigma.  This is my pledge to always have a cat first, and hopefully a boyfriend, man-friend, dare I say... husband, second.  A cat will never leave you for some slut with a rocking bod - they just don't care about that sort of thing.

xoxo, 

Katye Kat

D.I.C - Daddy Issues Club. It's Complicated.

Let's face it, we live in a world where we all have issues and we all could use a good dose of [psycho] therapy.  I like to think that I am my best therapist, but I am sure that illusion will be quickly shattered once I actually start paying someone to tell me that drunk texting is not actually the root of my current delinquencies, rather a symptom.  I think more so than any other issues I have with myself, mentally or physically, are my trust issues.  They are the toll-road to romantic isolation.  I wish I were vulnerable and could tell my romantic interests that I have feelings for them, or would like to explore a relationship with them, but those sentiments are usually lost in translation (illegible drunk texts, fragmented words in between heart wrenching sobs, you know, emotional and verbal interpretations gone awry).  I am occasionally successful in my attempted delivery of normal human emotions - it's easy when you are telling some OkCupid mutant to lose your number.

And, even though my trust issues have robbed me of any sense of a normal relationship, in the entirety of my life, I do feel fortunate that I have not fallen victim to its cold, firm, life-altering grasp like so many others.  I successfully escaped teenage pregnancy, I do not have any life-threatening addictions, I've received a high school degree, college diploma and for whatever reason I am pursuing a Masters degree.

I think instead of being ashamed of our issues we, collectively, should stop victimizing ourselves in an effort to make our shitty behavior somehow seem justifiable.  As if acting like a complete bitch or douchebag is somehow okay because your dad told you, "you say I love you too much, don't talk to me." And shame on you if you have someone trying to be vulnerable with you and you give some bullshit, "I-can't-do-this-right-now," "it's-complicated/I'm-complicated," run of the mill word vomit.  You're a tool, just say that.  Just say, "I am a fucking tool."  It will help everyone sleep better at night.

On that note, I am interested in a business venture, probably in partnership with MTV or VH1, where the baddest guys and dolls with daddy, or parental, issues (guys can have daddy issues, too), all live in a house together and run amok.  There can be daily group sessions, to help break through the greasy exterior, and in an effort to differentiate D.I.C from The Real World.  Suggestions and input are welcome, so is funding.

Can you see it?  D.I.C.K.  Daddy Issues Club with Katye.  I always knew I was meant for great things.

I want to leave lipstick marks on all of your coffee mugs.

I hope men feel good about a woman who is able to pull off a strong lipstick, because if I have ONE (1) life skill, it's pulling off lipstick.  Literally, any color, I will rock it.

A lot of young woman are afraid of lipstick.  In turn, I don't think a lot of men in the age range I am interested in copulating with aren't really sure what to think of a woman who wears kick-ass reds, plums and the non-tackiest of magentas.  You know how everyone is always telling you about confidence?  How it's "key," "fake it til you make it," and the plethora of other cliches.  Well, I believe that bullshit 1% of the time, and that 1% is applicable to lipstick.  Confidence is not everything when it comes to your body- your body purely is what is it.  But lipstick, now that's subjective.  You can change it with a swipe of a tube, you can wipe it off with practically anything (and believe, I have: receipts, clothing, hands, post-it notes) or just eat something and it is simply coming right off (no matter what Covergirl says)- no worries, no regrets.

Lipstick is about confidence.  The more abstract the color, the more... or less... fucks you give!  So, while I am on this quest to learn something (anything) about the male psyche, I encourage all humanity to embrace lipstick.

Threesomes: A Forever Missed Opportunity

Damn, he was totally asking for it!  I don't get the fascination with multiple partner sex acts.  I am still trying to wrap my head around single partner sex, so that's a huge hindrance for me.  Also, I think this guy is more taken with Conan than he was interested in me (which I cannot fault him).  Conan is on my "to-do" list, but I will discuss that more in-depth once you understand my taste in men.

And for the record, I'm aware that this man was not actually proposing sexy time with Coco... or me. That's probably why I didn't write him back. 

Men's wear for women... yay or nay?

Because I bought this shirt and I love it.

 

Please note before any judgements are passed, I pair it with a tasteful cardigan to maintain a feminine mystique.

What's in a Name: An Introduction

My name is Katye and I am a 24 year old single lady. This is a last ditch effort to not die alone (I've been called dramatic).  I am going to catalog data, based on experiments here in the hopes that one day I may understand what makes a man attracted to a specific woman... that woman being me.  I should let it be known that I am starting from scratch.  I will share with you some of my previous experiences, in all of their embarrassing and awkward fashion, that have lead me to believe I know absolutely nothing about the opposite gender.

Current experiment: OkCupid profile.  I am careful to not be a catfisher, so this is an actual profile picture, and this is what I really do look like if I am given a Blue Moon:

Exhibit A

Other things I may consider in the this lifetime: 

1. Join a gym (for aesthetic reasons)

2. Eat healthy (for aesthetic reasons, and maybe health, but let's be honest).

3. Lower my standards from Justin Timberlake to Chris Kirkpatrick (but still maintain some self-respect- notice how I did not stoop to any member of The Backstreet Boys in this analogy).

4. Shy away from binge drinking (or do it more... sometimes I think I am more intelligent and charming under the influence, but that could be the Blue Moon talking. See Exhibit A).

Welp, nice to meet you, other lonely women, chubby chasers, co-workers and friends.  I Bid You Adieu!