Chronicles of a Wannabe Skank

This is an experiment.  I am a scientist, and it is the nature of my work to gather information, make observations, and really throw myself into the field.

So typically when I am living my life as a singleton, looking for love, I make it a point to NOT have anything compromising on my profile (aside from being me).  Due to a major babe shortage, and an influx of loser trying to get with this*, I decided to shake up my account, you know, really add some WOW factors.

Afterall, this is all about being more attractive, or appealing to the opposite sex.

I tweaked just one little thing on my profile - "looking for section."  This is a polite section, as I am not really able to express my interest in a 6'3, super fox of the century.  It merely states that I am interested in a straight man, despite my high school endeavors, 25-31 (no scrubs), and that I am looking for new friends, and long-term dating.

This is how the updates chronicled:

 8:54 PM, not a single text message to respond to, phone on the verge of dying.  Survey says: Basic Bitch.  At this time I began my decent into the debaucherous realm of casual sex.

11:29 AM, still textless.  OKCupid popularity has increased like 300%, though. Pathetic battery.

 

 4:18 PM, OKCupid interest has continued to grow, received an email (probably spam), might have charged my phone for five minutes.

9:12 PM, charging my phone.  Have reached Pittsburgh appeal peak. Satisfied, but still not cool or attractive "in real life."

 12:07 AM, business trip to Columbus, OH.  Someone texted me.  Still awake, charging my phone.  Whole new level of hotness.  Moral of the story, Ohio gets me.  Moving.  Also, new picture, comments include "National Geographic Eyes," end comment.

So, what I have learned in this experiment is, put out, hypothetically, or get out.

Update - did not put out, still alone.  Laughed a lot, though.  Someday I will share some advances.

xoxo, Katie

*

The Song "Birthday Sex" Always Made Me Terribly Uncomfortable, But Not "I Just Had Sex."

In honor of my very spinster 25th birthday, I would like you to "pour one out" at some point tonight, as a good-bye to my youth.

Being single forever is no longer a joke - it's a lifestyle!

But in all honesty, today has been pretty awesome; I've conned my co-workers and friends into showering me with gifts and food, wine and coffee.  Tonight I'll be returning to my roots in the good old Village of Slippery Rock for a birthday dinner, joined with the only gender who can stand me - women (in their defense, they, and their mothers, are the best women I know).

 

Cheers! Birthday Cheers, those are!

P.S. Don't even think about wishing me a Happy Birthday, because you are nowhere as important as this one I already received.  #Blessed #EHarmony #Holla.

Yours always,

HMU @Sexy25fromHogwarts