No wonder I am having so much trouble finding anyone to share my time with - there are really no single people in my life. This is now all coming to light since the engagement of one of my dearest friends over the holiday, and while I could not be happier for her, it has become increasingly noticeable to me that I am one of the last ones standing at a true spinster state. I am not sure if it is the age of the people in my life, or the sense that all of the good guys will be gone if we wait until our 30's, but it is what it is.
Overall, unlike me, where all of my relationships are delusional fabrications of true love found and then lost, my friends are of a more attractive breed, one that is really not familiar with the idea of being alone. Even when they are single, there is still someone that is overtly willing to sleep with them on any given night. This, while not technically being a relationship, is also not in the realm of singleship. Being single is sad, it's pathetic, and it is something that everyone must experience to feel complete. For example:Tonight, I think I will go to the movies, alone, then Redbox the first Hobbit, solo, and fall asleep sober, without any verbal conversation, even with myself, from 4:30 (when I get off work) extended through the time it takes me to cry myself to sleep. My internal monologue will be a constant pro and con list of order takeout... just kidding, delivery (using a newly redownloaded app, that will be promptly deleted), which will then loop back to my self-esteem issues and although this should push me in the direction of going to bed hungry, instead I will eat a small villages' worth of Pizza Hut.
Maybe it's my fault - maybe I should put myself out there more, or use the Zumba DVD's that I bought, but that's just not my thing. I would much rather have people come to me, and tell me how wonderful I am without any of the effort or rejection potential. And maybe this is just seasonal depression, but I am learning in my old age, that I really hate the winter. I always thought I liked the idea of all four seasons being present in my life, but that is a lie I've told myself. I just want it to be Autumn all the time.
This has turned into a ramble, but it's my blog and no one regularly reads it, anyway, so whatever. Tune in sometime in the near future - I will post pictures (selfies) of tonight's wild and crazy adventure.
Later, lames!
