Still really sorry about sexting your mom

Yes, you are reading the bold section of this picture correctly... someone, a gentleman, I must presume, due to the predicament he has found himself in, was introduced to MY blog as a saving grace!  I hope he found the guidance he was looking for, although, I doubt it very much.  Although this cry for help probably went unanswered, it has inspired me to be a more well rounded writer, observer, and researcher.  I want to be the type of person that does assist an individual when his or her sexts are sent to the wrong person (say an innocent mother of a friend, just for example), homemade tape of some hanky panky fun and Power Ranger re-runs ends up online, or alas, dick pics are discovered by a terrified mom, dad, sibling, or dog.

I imagine the way that I am feeling now is the exact emotion Mother Teresa, or Gandhi felt, at the beginning of their spiritual journey.  So long I have begged for a purpose in life, and here it is: A sexual mentor for the unfortunate.  Many of my research will need to be secondhand, mostly because the "sexiest" picture I have ever sent anyone was a Snapchat of me eating a Popsicle, and a sex tape, well, yeah, that's never going to happen, BUT, this is my pledge - All of my research intentions will be pursued in a professional manner that is more helpful than degrading.

An explanation of this picture. First and foremost, blue, as it is known in nature, is the greatest flavor, second, because I know you wanted to see it, and lastly, because my hands are actually the size of Hulk's fist when I am not angry.

Suggestions, desperate pleas for help, and donations can be sent to my office:

The Summit
200 Shiloh St
Pittsburgh, PA 15211

Please, no texts - The Summit is having a problem with some delinquent sending group texts to Jenga block victims.  These texts have been known to contain terrifying pictures of an unidentified creature.

Said wild delinquent may or may not be me, but the creature definitely is not. 

Okay, it was me, and I am actually not welcome at The Summit anymore, so do not send me mail there, instead Facebook me if your schlong has gone viral.

Bai,

Katye $$

Dick pics, and Sugar Daddies, and STD's OH MY! Craigslist: An Exposé.

I have not been feeling very motivated to write lately.  Actually, that may or may not be true.  I love writing this blog, whether anyone reads it or not.  Sometimes I think it is the only way I am really ever going to achieve self-actualization.  Anyway, it has been a long time.  My life has been relatively boring, and I am really on a sabbatical from looking for a man friend, or anything of the sort.  My OkCupid account was deactivated for sometime; a girl can only take so many losers as her "best matches" before it begins to take a toll on her mental health, after all, and Match, well, let's just say it is a huge toss up whether is was a bigger waste of $50.00 than my Weight Watchers online membership, or LA Fitness for that matter.

Back to the point.  Because of this writer's block, I began racking my brain for topics that could be fun, entertaining, racy, and of course, at the extent of someone else.  Then it hit me.  All this characteristics are an equation.  An equation with only one solution - CRAIGSLIST PERSONALS!  Who would I rather get verbally weird with than a complete stranger!?  No one, that's who.  The anonymous nature of the internet allows individuals to be exactly who they actually are.  It is a safe zone, and when responding to a complete stranger, without a profile detailing exactly who is who, it is a magical mystery ride of disease ridden love.

My posts were generic enough that I was able to be honest - like I referred to myself as a "BBW," just for giggles.  No pictures, because that's embarrassing.  Probably let it spill that I was drunk, and out and about.  Really just a line asking if anyone wanted to hang out.  Nothing overtly sexual, or in the pursuit of getting laid... but maybe I will have to post something like that next time... mental note.

The responses were outrageous, in every sense of the word.  Within an hour, I was bombarded with over 130 responses, and towards the end, it was closer to 350 (there were approximately 348 emails moved to my "personal" folder).  I was able to see the responders' names, in many cases, and that lead to Google and Facebook investigations.  Some of the results were astounding.  One guy, who has not mentioned in his response to my ad had HIV!  Honestly, that is very unfortunate, and I feel for him, but it was not even something that he mentioned in his message to me - it was found from a Google search, which is unacceptable.  A lot of men were married with children.  There were a number of sugar daddies, inquiring about my tastes, and if I were able to travel with them - uhhh, yeah right.  Many, in their responses, also sent me pictures, both of their head, and their, um, heads, if you know what I mean.  It was pretty offensive.

I am not here to judge any of these men... Were most of them creepy, disgusting, slovenly, misogynistic, etc.?  Yes, absolutely, but as I like to say, to each HIS own.  The real mystery of this all was, WHERE THE HELL ARE THESE MEN WHEN I AM OUT, because truth be told, no one is trying to get with me then.  I am sure anyone not responding to a Craigslist ad is immediately 100% more appealing than one who is trolling the casual encounters instead of hanging out with friends, family, pets ANYTHING.

So with these messages, I thought I would comply a little "fast fact" sheet for you - just in case any of you want to try it out!

It should also be noted that I requested that those responding not be: Rapists, Murders, the Craiglist killer,  creeper, or older than 32.

Popular phrases/questions:

"Why not?"
"Are you real?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"Send me a pic"
"420 friendly" - so many guys had "some good shit"
"You're not a hooker, are you?"
"Interested in a couple?"

Most popular look was:

Terrible facial hair, or God awful goatee, God awful tattoos, and God awful jorts.  And dear Lord, when they were wearing a shirt, or something more than a wife-beater, so many Yinzer inspired jerseys, and tees. Oh, or it was a tapout tee.  It was like Rivertowne in North Shore before a Pirates' game.  Pittsburgh dudes are a dime a dozen.

Photo Analysis

Note: I would like to thank www.kidszone.ed.gov for helping me to make this graph.

 

So you know, a total of 149 sender, included pictures.   Of those 149 pictures, 93 were dick pictures, which gives us our percentage of dick pics received of 62.42%.  Math is fun.

Alright, well I haven't really written a blog in like two months, so this was exhausted, and I can only go through the filth in my Personal folder so many times.  Maybe there will be a follow-up, maybe there won't.  Believe it or not, I am going to give Craigslist personals two thumbs DOWN.  The sad thing is, I am not convinced that it is much safer, or less sketchy than any other form of online dating.

Later hookers,

XOXO,

Bet you didn't know I could bake, too.  Wifey material, heyyyyyy!